ImSIOPAO_Tay's Xanga

The mind wonders...and the eyes ponder

Thu, 30 Mar 2006 09:39:47 GMT

generating the theory that everything ends up as a happily ever after.

generating the thought that behind that golden gate their is a knight who will save you.

generating the buzz that we were meant for each other.

when i think of it... we were very inconsiderate and very subtle of each others feelings. we only really took into account our own emotions bottled up inside. i never put myself into your shoes, to see what you were feeling. Now that i contemplate my own feelings and yours, i believe that it was for the better. Even if our hearts are still being teared up inside with the mier words being uddered at this very moment, we have to be strong and be aware that this is for the better. Better you and better me. we never really made a good couple -i guess- but i belive that we did make good friends. Or i wonder was that just a front to show that you care. Care about me? Was that just another fake smile to ones face.

i teared my heart up for you, just the way you teared that card up. ripped into little peices and threw it all away. Ive bleed for you, i spilled my heart for you, i became what i absolutley hate just to be close to you. And now i find out that it was just all a waste of time,blood, TEARS. im done crying, and im ready to let go. let go of you, let go of our memories. even if it is so hard to do. ill do it for you. for us to be free from one another.

i pray to the Lord each night and say to him, "Lord i pray that we'll some how be friends, somehow forget every last memory we shared together and start over with a clean slate. I pray to you father that he'll forget all about me, so it will just make the pain leave my soul. i pray for my heart to be numb, so i will not feel the pain blistering inside." I pray for reconciliation.

you left a tattoo in my heart, yes. But that tattoo can always be removed, but then there will be scars. the scars remind me that the past is real and i tear my heart open just to feel.

I hoped that you will continuously hurt me, in some way or another, so i'll hate you even more. But i dont hold grudges i just hold on to you, or at least i held on to you. you and your memories will be with me always, live inside but soon it will die with the sweat sin of oblivion passing.

i dont care anymore whose fault it was, whose to blame, and who should the finger be pointed at. All i care about now is for us to be friends and for you to forgive me for everything i have done because i certainly have forgiven you for every minor and major offense held against me.

Now i say to myself if you don't forgive and forget, as you said, then it was just pointless. if you cant forgive me then dont. if you dont want to become friends, we wont. i just wasnt to spill my heart out to you one last time.

As i said "till the day i die, i spill my heart for you. im not going to kill myself or anything. im just putting to sleep a past life, a life with you and me together coz that is really over.

you told me once that you would never give up on things that make you smile, so i guess i will never make you smile. Through better and through worst i'm still here waiting, waiting for you just to day the word that you want to reconcile, i'll just wait for that day to come.

Some fairy tales do end up in a happily ever after, just because ours didn't doesn't mean that we should give up on finding one.

I will have a knight in shining armour in the end, to bad it wasnt you.

maybe we thought that we were meant for each other, but we're still young and we have so many more opportunities for our hearts to be shreed into peices over and over again. "good luck searching!"

hope you have a good life, i know i will.

What really is family?

Thu, 30 Mar 2006 04:03:27 GMT

What is a mother and what is a father?

Is it all just possible that they all are just apart of an evil ploy to give all the children in the world depression, wonder, angst?

in the dictionary merriam-webster the definition of family is: the basic unit in society traditionally consisting of two parents rearing their own or adopted children; also : any of various social units differing from but regarded as equivalent to the traditional family <a single-parent family> b : spouse and children <want to spend more time with my family>

in my own definition: a family is a group of people born into a home or born into the people that you will most likely see everyday of your life. A family is a bunch of people that love and support each other. That take care of each other through think and thin!

the definition for mother is: a mother is the person that another person gives life from.

in my own definition: a mother is a person that could be your role model. your main purpose in life. the reason now why i am alive today. a mother is the lady who gave part of herself to give us our own life.

the definition for father is: man of the household.

in my own definition: a father is the man of the house yes. but then the father is one of the sole providors of the household.

<<now i think to myself if this is what a family is and this is what mothers and fathers are and what they do, do i have a family? Do i have a mother? Do i have a father?>>

all these questions form all under the same place. if a mother is a person that gave part of her self to haev to born then why would she treat me with no remorse what so ever. if you were a mother. would you leave the house with your child alone, no food, no money and no idea of that. if you were a mother and your child asked you "mom, what about my lunch, there's no food?" would you say, "just go on a diet! your so fat!" Is that what a mother does? if that is what a mother is i want to take a second back to wonder, do i really need that?

Family? what is it anyway?

Truth behind the Smiles!

Wed, 29 Mar 2006 11:20:23 GMT

.people may seem to be happy and so unbothered on the appearences you see on their faces..but the truth is most people have the sense of uncertainty in their life..in public they just laugh and smile but behind closed doors, all they do is cry.. Cry for their lovers, cry for their families, cry for themselves.

The smiles are just a device to show that your perfect. But is anyone really as perfect as they appear to be? Inside the heart their is manifest of dying days and inside the mind theirs just a secretary that deletes every single thing thats bothering you, so it seems as if you are problemfree. But everyone experiences chaos, tragedy, pain, love. all these emotions would seem so blatenly dull but then without these emotions i have just placed , i would just be drowning, drowning in a pool with no water.

i belive that the mystic of the deep lies in truth. without truth what do really have anyway...without truth?

This is the end. >no regrets<

Wed, 29 Mar 2006 11:12:31 GMT

This is the end. end of school end of us. i tried to coincide with your emotions towards everything i tried to be considerate. i tried to forget, but i guess thats just not enough, now is it. its just that, whenever i see the face of my own starstriken past lover i grow in sighs and hide the face of the person that seems so lone and show the face of a person thats joyful and full of smiles. but inside the truth is im dying with the pain of knowing that we left things off unconsiderably horrid.

i dream every night that you'll just be my knight and shining armour, just in time to save the day. Take me to the castle far far away.

i dream of your corky smile. i dream of your unforgettable laugh and i just cant get out of my mind your mystic eyes that haunt my seen dreams. i dreamt of when you get so frustrated by one single blow of your whistle and i give you once again that corky smile upon your face when i whisper in your ear that i love you.

its okay that you dont love me back coz the truth is that i really dont mind anymore coz now that i realize how much pain you gave me even when we were together. and u say that im not the only one who cried over this situation. i dont care if you cry and i dont care if you get hurt by the words im saying right now because you kno what im forgetting about you day by day..

coz u wana kno sumthing i cried for you for too long now.

im tired of crying myself every night for you.

im tired of looking like crap in the morning coz i cant go 2 sleep just thinkn bot you.

and im sure and tired of you acting like it was all my fault to begin with!

coz you wanna kno the truth... It was all your fault!

i carefully contemplate feelings that you gave me inside i carfully contemplate the raw emotions that you stole upon my sight.

as one of my friends said before as we think of our past. think of our wonderful memories that weve shared. you just want to forget right? but then is only later on that we realize that the special and precious moments we’ve had with that person were only stolen moments in time…

i carefully evaluate that movie one last time. it was the perfect ending. just to think that we would never end up that way makes it even more harder to beare. just the sight of my first glimpse for you is the sight that i have been yearning to see but nowadays what i see through these blinded eyes of mine is what i cant even tolerate. and with that all i can say now is, Goodbye!

Devestation rocks my world!

And as i say goodbye to you one last tiem i just want to tell you that i love you. i love you but i stop myself from temptation. you want to know why? im tired of the devestation you give me. even if you gave me pure joy once i cannot feel that again without hurting but then i think to myself that is what love is really. The pure sacrifice of one another to devote their lives completly to that same person you give your heart to each day. "They say that if we truly love the person, we set them free. Perhaps that is also why they say that love is a sacrifice. It’s not the sacrifice of giving the person you love your whole world but rather the sacrifice of letting your heart bleed, ripped and shredded to pieces just so that you could see the one you love happy."[yanna]

i wish to be in love again, but im not doing to well in that department.

~~So for the last time ill tell you "Goodbye, i love you."~~